I was recently diagnosed with a painful disorder that has changed my life. I have tried to remain composed, and hopeful; however, I broke down today. I wrote a rather messy poem to get myself through it.
To know it will not go away breaks me into deformed fragments on the cold ground.
Gripping my soul,
wrapping its evil, ebony tendrils around, around
so tight there’s only room to suffocate
There is no breathing through this pain.
Making even the strongest weep,
this is my pain.
My new, unwanted friend that will never go away.
Like a dark companion finding torture to be the best light
White hot pain caressing its way smoothly throughout my within
Hope is no longer a fragrant, budding flower.
It now lays dead in pieces on the earth, just like me
There is no hope.
There is only pain.
Pain that knows its way into the darkest crevices of this broken vessel.
Weeping only makes it wiser, darker, ambitious
this pain that has become my world is my only true friend.
Only the one that hurts my body understands what is felt
Only the obsidian within can understand like a friend
This horrific creator of misery now holds my lost soul.
Pain has made me lost.
It has taken my life away.
All is lost, so I must be lost in this world of pain where pain itself is hosting my own personal game show.
I am the star of pain.
The epitome of suffering,
who could love such a miserable being?
What can I conquer, when THIS is what life now holds?
Wanting to scream, but knowing I should not. So I scream from within as it courses its way across my bare skin.
Plagued with pain, I can no longer be found
Dominated by pain, I can only be lost
Pain has destroyed me.
It has shredded everything behind this facade put forth for all those that might be looking.
Fools! They think I am okay.
If they could hear me from inside, they would shower endless, drenching rains of pity.
I would drown in it.
Pity only empowers the pain.
Despising pity, here I sit pretending to give a shit about the world all around me, when I am concerned about my world within.
I am a lost soul encompassed in pain.
Only a tragic path can lay ahead.
Pain’s obsidian hand extends,
I take it.
I give in.